I Found Out My Amazing Ex Was Pregnant … On Facebook | Larry Michel
My breakup did not go smoothly, and being connected with her on Facebook didn’t help. Yes, I still loved her. Yes, I still wanted her in my life. Yes, I missed holding, laughing, cooking, exercising, talking to, and making love with her, but she needed something else that I could not offer. That sucked, but it was undeniably true.
But geez, letting go was like having my limbs pulled out in all four directions and strangling my heart all at once.
Seeing her on Facebook made it worse. I could not look at pictures of us without going into the pain of withdrawals. So I took them down. Yes, all of them. I had that “tipping point” moment where I was holding on way too tight and had to go the opposite extreme — erasure.
I was getting all kinds of advice, such as “no communication of any kind for at least a year” (wow, that seemed severe!), “no showing up at the same parties” (how do I do that when we are in the same community with so many of the same friends?), or “un-friend her on Facebook” (big ouch — I stilled love her and at the very least wanted her friendship. ‘Besides, I promised her I would always remain her friend!).
I had to figure out how to move on … without un-friending her.
How it felt when I saw on Facebook that my ex was pregnant
That was some time ago and miraculously I survived to talk about it, or so I thought until I got an announcement that my ex was going to have a baby. In that moment, I cannot begin to tell you all the thoughts that hit me. When I came out of it, I was surprised to discover how much time had passed. What the heck was going on and what could I do about it?
I call this “Let’s Have Another Baby Syndrome.” Any woman that has had a child knows this one. You see a newborn and instantly you find yourself wanting another child. You have completely forgotten about carrying the last one for nine months and the impact that it had on your body.
You forget about all the scares and concerns of childbirth. You forget about nursing and the nights and weeks without rest because your baby wouldn’t sleep through the night. You conveniently forget all the reasons why you proclaimed to the world, “Never again!”
The truth is, you were drugged — kind of. No, you didn’t consume some hypnotic potion that made you forget why you broke up with your man or why you don’t want another child. Just like chemistry, your biology made a shift. Testosterone, estrogen, and oxytocin levels change and suddenly you’re having feelings you had long forgotten.
What’s behind the urge to have a baby?
Science has not been able to pinpoint a specific action that causes these shifts toward an overwhelming desire for children to happen.
This means we have to look at what’s going on with us sociologically and psychologically. Author Laura Carroll sums it up well in her article “The Biological Urge: What’s the Truth?” There is a conditioned “longing” that happens. The solution is to step back and take a look at our own lives, what beliefs we may be holding on to, and what might be truly missing.
The same is true with romance. Although there are studies that show chemistry has an influence on our ability to let go of a past love, it’s like the desire for children: There are other very telling influences.
How to process your ex’s big news
When you discover on Facebook that your ex is engaged, is going to have a baby, or is happily dating someone new and suddenly you are overwhelmed with sadness instead of joy, this is the perfect time to do two critical things.
Step one: Go to your list.
Re-read that list, the one which details all the reasons why you made that final split. If you don’t have a list, make one right now! If you can’t remember why you split, ask your friends for help. They will remind you that you always argued, that he never listened, that she couldn’t relax, that you totally disagreed about how to handle money, and that neither of you was happy about your sex life. Oh yeah, you forgot about that one, didn’t you?
This memory jog will shake you out of the feeling of instant remorse, but it will not keep you out unless you take one more critical action.
Step two: Remove all blame and shame.
You must look at your own life now and examine what is going on for you right now. What are you longing for? What sociological conditioning are you reacting to? If your ex is engaged, did you subconsciously just tell yourself, “I should be engaged too”? If you did, it’s likely your sorrow wasn’t due to the feeling of permanently losing him. (Remember your list). It’s because you are making yourself bad for not being good enough to also be engaged. You have managed to equate your ex’s announcement with you being broken, incapable, less-than, lonely — the list of self-deprecating conditions goes on and on.
How to finally break free of an ex
Where lists are great, they can also be troubling reminders if you have not freed yourself from shame or blame, or if you don’t know why you argued or why your sex life fell apart. Or, if you are blaming your ex or shaming yourself for this, you are now forever stuck in the past, running stories that keep you from your own happiness.
I have my clients look at three things to get clarity and freedom:
- Where did you disagree about what you wanted in a relationship?
- How open and honest were you in expressing your hopes, wants, and desires and also your challenges and fears?
- How were you energetically different and challenged? If you did not have the same style of communication it makes sense why you had difficulty conversing and why it was challenging to have intimate conversations. If you did not have the same energetics sexually, it makes sense that your sex life changed from hot to cold. And so on.
Looking honestly at how our needs were met and knowing our energetic profiles frees us from shame and blame.
Not only do we get our life back without feelings of sadness and unresolved longings, but we are also able to celebrate the joy of others.
Time to congratulate your ex, rather than beat yourself up. You can even thank Facebook for making you go through all of this. It’s definitely worth it.
Here’s the epilogue
My ex had her baby. When I first found out she was pregnant it did stir up a boatload of emotions. And I went to her baby shower with a basket of very cool gifts. When I saw her holding her beautiful baby boy I was briefly overcome again.
Without taking the steps I suggested in this article I would never have been able to feel the joy for her and her man, nor be a part of the celebration of their life.
Larry Michel is the Founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics and a Relationship Restoration Counselor, helping individuals, couples, and companies discover the deepest influences that drive their relationships to flourish.
Facebook Faces Yet Another Outage: Platform Encounters Technical Issues Again
Uppdated: It seems that today’s issues with Facebook haven’t affected as many users as the last time. A smaller group of people appears to be impacted this time around, which is a relief compared to the larger incident before. Nevertheless, it’s still frustrating for those affected, and hopefully, the issues will be resolved soon by the Facebook team.
Facebook had another problem today (March 20, 2024). According to Downdetector, a website that shows when other websites are not working, many people had trouble using Facebook.
This isn’t the first time Facebook has had issues. Just a little while ago, there was another problem that stopped people from using the site. Today, when people tried to use Facebook, it didn’t work like it should. People couldn’t see their friends’ posts, and sometimes the website wouldn’t even load.
Downdetector, which watches out for problems on websites, showed that lots of people were having trouble with Facebook. People from all over the world said they couldn’t use the site, and they were not happy about it.
When websites like Facebook have problems, it affects a lot of people. It’s not just about not being able to see posts or chat with friends. It can also impact businesses that use Facebook to reach customers.
Since Facebook owns Messenger and Instagram, the problems with Facebook also meant that people had trouble using these apps. It made the situation even more frustrating for many users, who rely on these apps to stay connected with others.
During this recent problem, one thing is obvious: the internet is always changing, and even big websites like Facebook can have problems. While people wait for Facebook to fix the issue, it shows us how easily things online can go wrong. It’s a good reminder that we should have backup plans for staying connected online, just in case something like this happens again.
Christian family goes in hiding after being cleared of blasphemy
LAHORE, Pakistan — A court in Pakistan granted bail to a Christian falsely charged with blasphemy, but he and his family have separated and gone into hiding amid threats to their lives, sources said.
Haroon Shahzad, 45, was released from Sargodha District Jail on Nov. 15, said his attorney, Aneeqa Maria. Shahzad was charged with blasphemy on June 30 after posting Bible verses on Facebook that infuriated Muslims, causing dozens of Christian families in Chak 49 Shumaali, near Sargodha in Punjab Province, to flee their homes.
Lahore High Court Judge Ali Baqir Najfi granted bail on Nov. 6, but the decision and his release on Nov. 15 were not made public until now due to security fears for his life, Maria said.
Shahzad told Morning Star News by telephone from an undisclosed location that the false accusation has changed his family’s lives forever.
“My family has been on the run from the time I was implicated in this false charge and arrested by the police under mob pressure,” Shahzad told Morning Star News. “My eldest daughter had just started her second year in college, but it’s been more than four months now that she hasn’t been able to return to her institution. My other children are also unable to resume their education as my family is compelled to change their location after 15-20 days as a security precaution.”
Though he was not tortured during incarceration, he said, the pain of being away from his family and thinking about their well-being and safety gave him countless sleepless nights.
“All of this is due to the fact that the complainant, Imran Ladhar, has widely shared my photo on social media and declared me liable for death for alleged blasphemy,” he said in a choked voice. “As soon as Ladhar heard about my bail, he and his accomplices started gathering people in the village and incited them against me and my family. He’s trying his best to ensure that we are never able to go back to the village.”
Shahzad has met with his family only once since his release on bail, and they are unable to return to their village in the foreseeable future, he said.
“We are not together,” he told Morning Star News. “They are living at a relative’s house while I’m taking refuge elsewhere. I don’t know when this agonizing situation will come to an end.”
The Christian said the complainant, said to be a member of Islamist extremist party Tehreek-e-Labbaik Pakistan and also allegedly connected with banned terrorist group Lashkar-e-Jhangvi, filed the charge because of a grudge. Shahzad said he and his family had obtained valuable government land and allotted it for construction of a church building, and Ladhar and others had filed multiple cases against the allotment and lost all of them after a four-year legal battle.
“Another probable reason for Ladhar’s jealousy could be that we were financially better off than most Christian families of the village,” he said. “I was running a successful paint business in Sargodha city, but that too has shut down due to this case.”
Regarding the social media post, Shahzad said he had no intention of hurting Muslim sentiments by sharing the biblical verse on his Facebook page.
“I posted the verse a week before Eid Al Adha [Feast of the Sacrifice] but I had no idea that it would be used to target me and my family,” he said. “In fact, when I came to know that Ladhar was provoking the villagers against me, I deleted the post and decided to meet the village elders to explain my position.”
The village elders were already influenced by Ladhar and refused to listen to him, Shahzad said.
“I was left with no option but to flee the village when I heard that Ladhar was amassing a mob to attack me,” he said.
Shahzad pleaded with government authorities for justice, saying he should not be punished for sharing a verse from the Bible that in no way constituted blasphemy.
Similar to other cases
Shahzad’s attorney, Maria, told Morning Star News that events in Shahzad’s case were similar to other blasphemy cases filed against Christians.
“Defective investigation, mala fide on the part of the police and complainant, violent protests against the accused persons and threats to them and their families, forcing their displacement from their ancestral areas, have become hallmarks of all blasphemy allegations in Pakistan,” said Maria, head of The Voice Society, a Christian paralegal organization.
She said that the case filed against Shahzad was gross violation of Section 196 of the Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC), which states that police cannot register a case under the Section 295-A blasphemy statute against a private citizen without the approval of the provincial government or federal agencies.
Maria added that Shahzad and his family have continued to suffer even though there was no evidence of blasphemy.
“The social stigma attached with a blasphemy accusation will likely have a long-lasting impact on their lives, whereas his accuser, Imran Ladhar, would not have to face any consequence of his false accusation,” she said.
The judge who granted bail noted that Shahzad was charged with blasphemy under Section 295-A, which is a non-cognizable offense, and Section 298, which is bailable. The judge also noted that police had not submitted the forensic report of Shahzad’s cell phone and said evidence was required to prove that the social media was blasphemous, according to Maria.
Bail was set at 100,000 Pakistani rupees (US $350) and two personal sureties, and the judge ordered police to further investigate, she said.
Shahzad, a paint contractor, on June 29 posted on his Facebook page 1 Cor. 10:18-21 regarding food sacrificed to idols, as Muslims were beginning the four-day festival of Eid al-Adha, which involves slaughtering an animal and sharing the meat.
A Muslim villager took a screenshot of the post, sent it to local social media groups and accused Shahzad of likening Muslims to pagans and disrespecting the Abrahamic tradition of animal sacrifice.
Though Shahzad made no comment in the post, inflammatory or otherwise, the situation became tense after Friday prayers when announcements were made from mosque loudspeakers telling people to gather for a protest, family sources previously told Morning Star News.
Fearing violence as mobs grew in the village, most Christian families fled their homes, leaving everything behind.
In a bid to restore order, the police registered a case against Shahzad under Sections 295-A and 298. Section 295-A relates to “deliberate and malicious acts intended to outrage religious feelings of any class by insulting its religion or religious beliefs” and is punishable with imprisonment of up to 10 years and fine, or both. Section 298 prescribes up to one year in prison and a fine, or both, for hurting religious sentiments.
Pakistan ranked seventh on Open Doors’ 2023 World Watch List of the most difficult places to be a Christian, up from eighth the previous year.
Morning Star News is the only independent news service focusing exclusively on the persecution of Christians. The nonprofit’s mission is to provide complete, reliable, even-handed news in order to empower those in the free world to help persecuted Christians, and to encourage persecuted Christians by informing them that they are not alone in their suffering.
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