They ruin the work I put in to be the fun neighbor
Dear Amy: I started two different progressive-dinner groups with other couples in our neighborhood.
These dinners happen about three times a year for each group. It has been going on for six years.
I call to coordinate our open Saturdays and let the other pick the course they are willing to make (we trade off making the main course). This is a walking progressive dinner because we all live near each other and we want to drink safely.
My pet peeve is that some couples occasionally ask if they can ask a couple that I don’t know to join us (these people don’t live in the area).
Including an extra couple means this “new couple” would provide a portion of the meal but bring it to one of the other couple’s houses instead of offering their own home, because they live out of town.
I always say no with a gentle explanation but end up in a fight with these women who are my good friends.
This has happened three times now. I caved twice; the third time I stood my ground, and it turned into a frosty eight-month relationship.
If I am the main-dish house, I get bent out of shape since I’m feeding strangers and they only bring the salad.
I always get thanked after each dinner for putting this together because it takes persistence and we all have a great time, but how can I convince these women that inviting extra people was not my intention?
The Fun Neighbor
Dear Fun Neighbor: Methinks that you are not actually that much fun.
You’ve put a tremendous amount of effort into these dinners, but you do seem quite rigid about the parameters. New and visiting couples can add new life into these events — and if participating couples have houseguests on the night of one of these dinners, it seems natural and logical that they would ask if the new people can bring a salad to share and tag along to enjoy these creative dinners.
Regardless of my view of how you are handling this, you have been extremely clear about the limitations you’ve imposed, and, given the tension you’ve all endured over this issue, I think you should assume that you’ve gotten your point across.
Dear Amy: I have a friend who lacks any sort of coping skills.
She can be very kind and generous, but then when a problem arises, she completely falls apart.
If something breaks at her house and she has to spend money, she becomes very dramatic and acts like it’s the end of the world. She has a good job and I believe she can afford home repairs.
She dates men who are not in a healthy place, so the romance often quickly falls apart. After this happens, she will be in bed for days, engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms.
She will not seek help, and nothing cheers her up.
I’ve grown tired of tolerating this, as it has been consistent for many years and occurs almost on a monthly basis.
Other friends say we should stick it out because she has good qualities, but I say enough is enough, she needs to be told how her behaviors affect the friendship, and boundaries need to be set when she decides to act like this, since she won’t respond to our attempts at support.
What do you think?
Exhausted
Dear Exhausted: If your friend falls apart on a monthly basis, I wonder if she has a hormonal imbalance that can be successfully treated.
This is just a theory, but the main issue is your right and responsibility to respectfully let your friend know how her behavior affects you.
So tell her!
Say, “I really care about you, but your mood swings and extreme reactions are hard on me, because I’m unable to help you when you’re feeling down. I wish you would seek professional help, because this is affecting our friendship.”
Dear Amy: “Upset” wrote to you about a dispute with his neighbor, caused when Upset blasted loud music during workdays.
This was made much worse when the neighbor ranted about this on Facebook.
Thank you for pointing out what a toxic cesspool Facebook is.
I’m Out
Dear I’m Out: Facebook can be a toxic cesspool, when people use it to spread rumors and rants.
I miss seeing what my FB friends and their children are up to — but my blood pressure tells me that stepping off of this platform was a good choice for me.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
Facebook Faces Yet Another Outage: Platform Encounters Technical Issues Again
Uppdated: It seems that today’s issues with Facebook haven’t affected as many users as the last time. A smaller group of people appears to be impacted this time around, which is a relief compared to the larger incident before. Nevertheless, it’s still frustrating for those affected, and hopefully, the issues will be resolved soon by the Facebook team.
Facebook had another problem today (March 20, 2024). According to Downdetector, a website that shows when other websites are not working, many people had trouble using Facebook.
This isn’t the first time Facebook has had issues. Just a little while ago, there was another problem that stopped people from using the site. Today, when people tried to use Facebook, it didn’t work like it should. People couldn’t see their friends’ posts, and sometimes the website wouldn’t even load.
Downdetector, which watches out for problems on websites, showed that lots of people were having trouble with Facebook. People from all over the world said they couldn’t use the site, and they were not happy about it.
When websites like Facebook have problems, it affects a lot of people. It’s not just about not being able to see posts or chat with friends. It can also impact businesses that use Facebook to reach customers.
Since Facebook owns Messenger and Instagram, the problems with Facebook also meant that people had trouble using these apps. It made the situation even more frustrating for many users, who rely on these apps to stay connected with others.
During this recent problem, one thing is obvious: the internet is always changing, and even big websites like Facebook can have problems. While people wait for Facebook to fix the issue, it shows us how easily things online can go wrong. It’s a good reminder that we should have backup plans for staying connected online, just in case something like this happens again.
Christian family goes in hiding after being cleared of blasphemy
LAHORE, Pakistan — A court in Pakistan granted bail to a Christian falsely charged with blasphemy, but he and his family have separated and gone into hiding amid threats to their lives, sources said.
Haroon Shahzad, 45, was released from Sargodha District Jail on Nov. 15, said his attorney, Aneeqa Maria. Shahzad was charged with blasphemy on June 30 after posting Bible verses on Facebook that infuriated Muslims, causing dozens of Christian families in Chak 49 Shumaali, near Sargodha in Punjab Province, to flee their homes.
Lahore High Court Judge Ali Baqir Najfi granted bail on Nov. 6, but the decision and his release on Nov. 15 were not made public until now due to security fears for his life, Maria said.
Shahzad told Morning Star News by telephone from an undisclosed location that the false accusation has changed his family’s lives forever.
“My family has been on the run from the time I was implicated in this false charge and arrested by the police under mob pressure,” Shahzad told Morning Star News. “My eldest daughter had just started her second year in college, but it’s been more than four months now that she hasn’t been able to return to her institution. My other children are also unable to resume their education as my family is compelled to change their location after 15-20 days as a security precaution.”
Though he was not tortured during incarceration, he said, the pain of being away from his family and thinking about their well-being and safety gave him countless sleepless nights.
“All of this is due to the fact that the complainant, Imran Ladhar, has widely shared my photo on social media and declared me liable for death for alleged blasphemy,” he said in a choked voice. “As soon as Ladhar heard about my bail, he and his accomplices started gathering people in the village and incited them against me and my family. He’s trying his best to ensure that we are never able to go back to the village.”
Shahzad has met with his family only once since his release on bail, and they are unable to return to their village in the foreseeable future, he said.
“We are not together,” he told Morning Star News. “They are living at a relative’s house while I’m taking refuge elsewhere. I don’t know when this agonizing situation will come to an end.”
The Christian said the complainant, said to be a member of Islamist extremist party Tehreek-e-Labbaik Pakistan and also allegedly connected with banned terrorist group Lashkar-e-Jhangvi, filed the charge because of a grudge. Shahzad said he and his family had obtained valuable government land and allotted it for construction of a church building, and Ladhar and others had filed multiple cases against the allotment and lost all of them after a four-year legal battle.
“Another probable reason for Ladhar’s jealousy could be that we were financially better off than most Christian families of the village,” he said. “I was running a successful paint business in Sargodha city, but that too has shut down due to this case.”
Regarding the social media post, Shahzad said he had no intention of hurting Muslim sentiments by sharing the biblical verse on his Facebook page.
“I posted the verse a week before Eid Al Adha [Feast of the Sacrifice] but I had no idea that it would be used to target me and my family,” he said. “In fact, when I came to know that Ladhar was provoking the villagers against me, I deleted the post and decided to meet the village elders to explain my position.”
The village elders were already influenced by Ladhar and refused to listen to him, Shahzad said.
“I was left with no option but to flee the village when I heard that Ladhar was amassing a mob to attack me,” he said.
Shahzad pleaded with government authorities for justice, saying he should not be punished for sharing a verse from the Bible that in no way constituted blasphemy.
Similar to other cases
Shahzad’s attorney, Maria, told Morning Star News that events in Shahzad’s case were similar to other blasphemy cases filed against Christians.
“Defective investigation, mala fide on the part of the police and complainant, violent protests against the accused persons and threats to them and their families, forcing their displacement from their ancestral areas, have become hallmarks of all blasphemy allegations in Pakistan,” said Maria, head of The Voice Society, a Christian paralegal organization.
She said that the case filed against Shahzad was gross violation of Section 196 of the Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC), which states that police cannot register a case under the Section 295-A blasphemy statute against a private citizen without the approval of the provincial government or federal agencies.
Maria added that Shahzad and his family have continued to suffer even though there was no evidence of blasphemy.
“The social stigma attached with a blasphemy accusation will likely have a long-lasting impact on their lives, whereas his accuser, Imran Ladhar, would not have to face any consequence of his false accusation,” she said.
The judge who granted bail noted that Shahzad was charged with blasphemy under Section 295-A, which is a non-cognizable offense, and Section 298, which is bailable. The judge also noted that police had not submitted the forensic report of Shahzad’s cell phone and said evidence was required to prove that the social media was blasphemous, according to Maria.
Bail was set at 100,000 Pakistani rupees (US $350) and two personal sureties, and the judge ordered police to further investigate, she said.
Shahzad, a paint contractor, on June 29 posted on his Facebook page 1 Cor. 10:18-21 regarding food sacrificed to idols, as Muslims were beginning the four-day festival of Eid al-Adha, which involves slaughtering an animal and sharing the meat.
A Muslim villager took a screenshot of the post, sent it to local social media groups and accused Shahzad of likening Muslims to pagans and disrespecting the Abrahamic tradition of animal sacrifice.
Though Shahzad made no comment in the post, inflammatory or otherwise, the situation became tense after Friday prayers when announcements were made from mosque loudspeakers telling people to gather for a protest, family sources previously told Morning Star News.
Fearing violence as mobs grew in the village, most Christian families fled their homes, leaving everything behind.
In a bid to restore order, the police registered a case against Shahzad under Sections 295-A and 298. Section 295-A relates to “deliberate and malicious acts intended to outrage religious feelings of any class by insulting its religion or religious beliefs” and is punishable with imprisonment of up to 10 years and fine, or both. Section 298 prescribes up to one year in prison and a fine, or both, for hurting religious sentiments.
Pakistan ranked seventh on Open Doors’ 2023 World Watch List of the most difficult places to be a Christian, up from eighth the previous year.
Morning Star News is the only independent news service focusing exclusively on the persecution of Christians. The nonprofit’s mission is to provide complete, reliable, even-handed news in order to empower those in the free world to help persecuted Christians, and to encourage persecuted Christians by informing them that they are not alone in their suffering.
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