MMA champs offer to train Elon Musk for cage match with Zuckerberg

A who’s-who of MMA fighters have a beef with Mark Zuckerberg — so they’re throwing their weight behind Elon Musk ahead of a possible cage match between the tech titans. 

At least eight UFC fighters, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu champions, and more, led by former MMA champ Chad Robichaux are offering to train Musk for the proposed cage fight with Meta CEO Zuckerberg over his launch of micro-blogging rival Threads.

For some of them, this is about payback.

“No one likes Zuckerberg because he’s a communist that’s suppressing our speech, and ruining most of our businesses,” Robichaux told The Post. “We feel like he needs his a– beat.”

“I’ve been a victim of having my First Amendment rights violated by Zuckerberg,” Robichaux, who runs the Mighty Oaks Foundation, a veterans group, explained. “Every every Monday I have to have a staff meeting and we have to figure out what we can and can’t say so we don’t get suppressed.”

The martial-arts masters see 52-year-old Musk as their chance for revenge — even as Musk and Zuck have lately jabs on social media over a possible cage match. Most recently, Musk claimed on his social network X — formerly known as Twitter — that he planned to drive by Zuckerberg’s house to see if he “actually answers the door.”

“Mark is traveling right now and isn’t in Palo Alto,” a spokesperson for Zuckerberg responded. “Also, Mark takes this sport seriously and isn’t going to fight someone who randomly shows up at his house.”

The trash-talking comes even as Zuckerberg last month launched Threads, a challenger to X, which quickly amassed 100 million sign-ups — more than a quarter of X’s active user base. Activity on Threads — which Meta executives said is “focusing on kindness and making this a friendly place” — appears to have fallen sharply since, according to research reports.

As for the literal cage match, “I would love to see Elon win, that’d be a great win for mankind in my opinion,” BJJ champion Thomas Cronin told The Post, noting his philosophical alignment with the space and electric-car guru. 

Other eight champions currently on board include: UFC fighter Jalin Turner, former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Quinton Jackson, Strikeforce Champion and UFC title contender Nate Marquardt, current UFC contender Alex Morono, seasoned Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu instructor Vinicius Draculino Magalhaes, and Carlson Gracie Jr., whose father Carlos Gracie is considered one of the founders of Brazilian Jiu-Jistu.

“I have to side with Elon Musk … [because] of free speech. Zuckerberg is kind of taking away free speech on his platforms,” Jackson said. “Musk is more of a stand up guy.”

Not much is known about Musk’s master strategy to avert total annihilation from Zuckerberg. In June, he quipped on X that one of his moves is called “’The Walrus,’ where I just lie on top of my opponent and do nothing.” 

“I mean, with the size difference he probably could do it for a bit,” Turner, a top 15 UFC lightweight contender, laughed. 

“I think Elon Musk has a good sense of humor,” Jackson mused when asked about “The Walrus.”

Robichaux observed that “The Walrus” sounds a lot like a “Wet Blanket” technique he deploys via Jiu-Jitsu to wear down his enemies to the point of exhaustion and frustration so they start making mistakes.

“It’s good. He’s a bigger guy,” Robichaux quipped. “He [could] use his body weight to like fatigue Zuckerberg — to make him work to constantly get up.”

Still, the jostling maestros think they can do much better.

Cronin, a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu coach who has trained a myriad of UFC fighters, has been studying up on Zuckerberg and is already spotting some vulnerabilities ripe for exploitation.

“There’s a couple of things that I see in Zuckerberg’s training that they’re not really addressing, as far as I can tell. And we want to capitalize on those positions,” Cronin said.

Cronin believes he knows “exactly how” Zuckerberg is going to come out and knows just how Musk can “throw a wrench in his plans.” He is keeping specifics close to the vest.

Jackson contended that Musk would be in jeopardy if he winds up in a ground tussle, given Zuckerberg’s considerable Jiu-Jitsu edge.

“If I was Elon Musk, I wouldn’t take him to the ground for one second,” Jackson said emphasizing he’d try his best to keep it standing.

Gracie Jr., a six-time Brazilian National Champion in Freestyle and Greco Roman wrestling also known as “The Prince of BJJ,” cautioned against “overtraining’ Musk into exhaustion.

“We’d have to work in some kind of basic fundamental techniques, and first, you have to evaluate his level and from there we can work on [him],” Gracie Jr. told The Post.

Questions have swirled over whether the fight will ever come to fruition. Zuckerberg has sewed doubts, claiming that Musk is “not serious” and that “it’s time to move on.”

Musk, who previously challenged Russian President Vladimir Putin to single combat in a Hail Mary bid to rescue Ukraine from devastation, claimed that Italian officials agreed to an “epic location” for the internet kingpin rumble.

However, Italian culture minister Gennaro Sangiuliano appeared to quash speculation of a much-rumored “Gladiator”-style showdown at the ancient Colosseum, stipulating “it will not be held in Rome.”

Zuckerberg has urged fans to “assume anything [Musk] says has not been agreed on.”

Musk has also claimed that he needed an “MRI of my neck & upper back” and “may require surgery before the fight can happen.”

Should Musk begin training, one adjustment the martial arts battalion would likely gently nudge him into making is his diet.

Musk, who posits there’s a high probability we’re living in a simulation, has raved about soul-enriching junk food, claiming (possibly joking) to eat a donut every morning. 

Zuckerberg, who is seeking to build up a simulation of his own for humans to traverse, says he eats 4,000 calories a day to fuel his intense exercise regimen, often including hefty McDonalds’ orders, which he dubbed “so delicious.”

“[Musk] probably needs like a good 30 days on a good healthy diet regimen to cleanse his system and have the energy,” Robichaux said, “just to get his system functioning well and have his body fueled up.”

Another potential hurdle for Musk is the roughly 13-year age gap with Zuckerberg. 

Robichaux, some four years younger than Musk, stressed that Musk can overcome it, noting how he eats younger fighters for breakfast. 

“I’m 48. I smash 18 and 20 year old kids in the gym every day,” Robichaux joked in a dead serious way. “There’s something about this generation.”

Another option is rejuvenating stem cell therapy.

Eric Scoffers, CEO of Bioexcellorator, a firm that specializes in the treatment, told The Post “we will roll out the red carpet for Elon to make sure he’s in the best shape to beat Zuckerberg.” 

“Bioexcellorator is the exclusive stem cell treatment center for the UFC,” he added. “They’re treating current UFC champions. The treatment they offer will close the age gap between Musk and Zuckerberg.”

The squadron of fighters have various visions for what a boot camp would look like, but are flexible to Musk’s liking.

At least one of the martial artists is stunned that the plutocrats want to subject themselves to such violent brutality rather than live out a cushy lifestyle.

“I was really surprised that two billionaires want to duke it out in the cage. I’ve been a fighter for over 20-something years. If I was a billionaire, I would not step foot in a cage — no way,” Jackson said.

“I started it as a way to provide for my family — to me it was a hustle,” he added. “I did it to pay the bills.”

Musk has previously suggested that the billionaire melee will raise money for veterans and pediatric hospitals in Italy. Robichaux’s squad is hoping they might consider donating some of those funds to The Mighty Oaks Foundation.

The group works to tackle post-traumatic stress disorder and prevent veteran suicide.

Robichaux is credited with spearheading one of the largest known civilian evacuation efforts out of Afghanistan in the aftermath of the Taliban takeover.